*cough* Not trying to imply anything by the icon...Below are another rant, you can read or not, that's your choice, and after reading, you can comment or not...but watch yourself. It's my emotion you're dealing with. But I don't want to bother anyone with this.

Hi, so is everybody good ? Yes ? No ? Whatever....nobody's interested in the fact that a feelings of a 18-years-old is hurted here..forget it.

And to neechan, the only person around here that gave me support. In the end, she end up spoiling me. Sorry, neechan, I'll try to take care of things myself from now. I will try not to bother you anymore. Thank you because you were always there...and goodbye.

P.S: (you don't have to answer my messages, I know what you mean, I always do)

Well, back to the main point. This is a journal after all.

So yesterday I watched the Hannah Montana episode: 'You Gotta Lose That Job'. Seriously, season 3 isn't much fun to watch. And then I got to the part when Lola/Lilly told a joke but Hannah/Miley and Robby Ray didn't laugh. There's laughter in the background but I don't think it's amusing. Lola then said 'I laughed to yours.' and then I felt 'poor thing, always being the 'not getting any attention' character even though her acting skill is brilliant'. Then I thought 'oh well, it's supposed to be funny, that's why it's a sitcom'. Then I think about it some more (when the show's over) and I realized even though Lilly supported Miley through almost every crazy plans...Miley don't always think about Lilly's feelings first (in season 3), like when she begged Lilly to kiss Rico so she can has a dream date with Johnny (Corbin Bleu)....And I know Lilly is supposed to be the 'uncool' one (not to mention stalker). But look at the situation in 'You Gotta Lose That Job'. When Lilly said the joke, there's background laughter, and I laughed at it, so why the heck didn't Hannah and Robby laugh ? I think it's rude, not to mention Hannah is Lola's BFF. So that create a bad image about the main character in a very senstitive subject - frienship. Remember the saying 'good friends made good people', or 'show me your friends and I'll tell you what kind of man you are' ? ........ Oh, you mean when a character said a not-so-good joke, you must not laugh at it so people will laugh at it more. What an obvious plot device.
Well, I'm not sure why, but the scriptwriter is losing it, really losing it in this season.

Another thing, about friends. Yes, that scene in Hannah did that to me. I just been wondering about my friendship with...a classmate. A girl. Her name translated to 'Aura' but she prefer to be called 'Iris'. Whatever. She's kind of bossy. No. She's very bossy. She's afraid of ghosts and rumors but she also like to badmouth people. People as in 'everyone', actually. She's always trying to be nice to me but she pay no attention to my feelings. Words is not enough to describe her. I always have this kind of..thinking that no matter how annoyed a person made you feel, there's always something nice about them. Even though her words are cold and bossy, that's just her way of helping people. So I pushed away all the uncaring words and kept all the good intentions that it carried. It didn't turn out the way I planned. Like I said, she like badmouthing people she don't even know. When I'm with her, she badmouth some girls. And I know when I'm not with her, she will badmouth me too. But I got used to it since 'the Grassland accident'. Then I realized she will not change, and she badmouth people for fun. So I stopped thinking good thoughts about people and focus on improving myself to show her (and peoples) what I'm capabled of. Along the way, I realized that I failed. No matter what I do, she will keep the same opinion about me. I don't know what that is...'failure', 'future beggars', 'spoiled child'...? Probably something she look down on.
I realized that because...one day, after she got a bad illness, she told me that the doctor advised her to not go into water. But her swim coach was strict, and he accused her of skipping lessons for fun (she skipped because she was ill). She was very passionate about swimming so she said she would go practice later that day. I told her to forget about the coach and to stay at home. My parent was a doctor so I'm worried that her illness will return, not to mention this is a very important time for us students. Plus, that coach was mean and unfeeling, thinking badly of her like that....So I told her to stay at home. Do you know what she said?
She said: "You said that because you are used to being an irresponsible person, I can't do that."
SERIOUSLY. WHAT.THE.HECK ?
SERIOUSLY. WHAT DID I EVER DO TO HER ?
I hate her now. I tried to see the good point, at least I tried. I succeed. I've come to love her as a friend. But look what I got in return. None. I tried to be a decent girl who always see the good thing in people (because people these days aren't interested in it) and LOOK WHAT I GOT. OH YEAH. IRRESPONSIBLE. WONDERFUL PORTRAYAL OF A FRIEND WHO ALWAYS LISTEN TO WHAT SHE SAID AND TRIED TO HEAR WHAT SHE DIDN'T SAY.
SO WHAT IF I DID DISAPPOINT SOMEONE? EVERYBODY MAKE MISTAKES! WHO TOLD HER IT DIDN'T HURT TO SEE THE PAIN ON MY PARENT'S FACE ? I ALWAYS TRY TO QUESTION MYSELF 'WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT'. I'M LOST. BUT IT'S NOT THE POINT. I'M TRYING TO SEE THE GOOD THINGS IN PEOPLE - NOT JUST ANY PEOPLES, MY FRIENDS- AND LOOK WHERE IT GOT ME. SHOULD I JUST TELL THEM THAT LIFE'S NOT FAIR ?
You (whoever you are) know what ? For years I've admired Batman because of the 'people deserve to have their faith rewarded' attitude. Maybe I should switch to Joker's 'people are only as good as the world allowed them to be' attitude. It's agonizing and I have my limit.

Back to the real world. I got homework. 1 week and I'll be waving 'bye-bye' to this school. Then Iris and Grassland....that depend but they'll get what's coming to them.