Starting anew.

New clothes, new school, new city, new people.

(If only I can actually leave behind the pain)

Keep moving forward.



(Somehow, I'm still awake....

All because of one glorious piece of angsty fic =.=off_theground is a darn good writer)

PriestestOfNox haven't updated her fics since April...

Even the remarkable ones have to stop because of something. What about us ? What about a nobody like me ? It's not there yet, but there will be a day when I lost the key to the door. The question is, when that day come, will I have the strength to walk away ?

( It's confusing, every minute that I lived... )

( A Walk To Remember )

( Friends. )

Okay, love his talent, his accent (all of it), his devotion to his wife(yes, a wife and a kid, or is it 2 ?), his hair, his skin. To put it bluntly, Dr. Frankenstein will kill to have some of his body parts...To find out who this guy is, look below....real below....

Found a little game on Jing-chan's 4rum.

( This is too much fun. )


( This is what happen when a fangirl found magmypic.com )

On June 22nd, I will take the entrance examination to RMIT University (all in English), I feel rather stressed, but I know what I have to do. I learned a lot from people around me, even if they are bad ones or good ones.

Also, I read something that was rather discouraging: 'Trying is a first step towards failure.' It's on an avatar of a lj user. Bleh! If we don't try, then we can never dream of success. Also, it's rather discouraging to know that even if I success in the entrance exam, I'll probably be stuck in a school full of spoiled, rich child, players, Paris Hilton wannabes...etc. That's not going to do wonders to my image. It's bad enough my old classmate think of me as a girl who got everything she ever wanted. *sigh* Can I have a hug, Eichan ? Thank you...*hugs*

Yeah, I did say my 'old' classmate. I graduated from school. Oh yes. Yes it is. It feel wonderful because at least we share the same feeling about a matter. They don't have to be polite to me out of spite and so am I, and we all think that's a relief. They think I don't know what they are thinking because.....well, I'm not a psychic. But what they don't know is that maybe I am. Wait till I get back all the stuff they've been borrowing me.

Anyway, hope you have a good day. Bye.

*cough* Not trying to imply anything by the icon...Below are another rant, you can read or not, that's your choice, and after reading, you can comment or not...but watch yourself. It's my emotion you're dealing with. But I don't want to bother anyone with this.

Hi, so is everybody good ? Yes ? No ? Whatever....nobody's interested in the fact that a feelings of a 18-years-old is hurted here..forget it.

And to neechan, the only person around here that gave me support. In the end, she end up spoiling me. Sorry, neechan, I'll try to take care of things myself from now. I will try not to bother you anymore. Thank you because you were always there...and goodbye.

P.S: (you don't have to answer my messages, I know what you mean, I always do)

Well, back to the main point. This is a journal after all.

So yesterday I watched the Hannah Montana episode: 'You Gotta Lose That Job'. Seriously, season 3 isn't much fun to watch. And then I got to the part when Lola/Lilly told a joke but Hannah/Miley and Robby Ray didn't laugh. There's laughter in the background but I don't think it's amusing. Lola then said 'I laughed to yours.' and then I felt 'poor thing, always being the 'not getting any attention' character even though her acting skill is brilliant'. Then I thought 'oh well, it's supposed to be funny, that's why it's a sitcom'. Then I think about it some more (when the show's over) and I realized even though Lilly supported Miley through almost every crazy plans...Miley don't always think about Lilly's feelings first (in season 3), like when she begged Lilly to kiss Rico so she can has a dream date with Johnny (Corbin Bleu)....And I know Lilly is supposed to be the 'uncool' one (not to mention stalker). But look at the situation in 'You Gotta Lose That Job'. When Lilly said the joke, there's background laughter, and I laughed at it, so why the heck didn't Hannah and Robby laugh ? I think it's rude, not to mention Hannah is Lola's BFF. So that create a bad image about the main character in a very senstitive subject - frienship. Remember the saying 'good friends made good people', or 'show me your friends and I'll tell you what kind of man you are' ? ........ Oh, you mean when a character said a not-so-good joke, you must not laugh at it so people will laugh at it more. What an obvious plot device.
Well, I'm not sure why, but the scriptwriter is losing it, really losing it in this season.

Another thing, about friends. Yes, that scene in Hannah did that to me. I just been wondering about my friendship with...a classmate. A girl. Her name translated to 'Aura' but she prefer to be called 'Iris'. Whatever. She's kind of bossy. No. She's very bossy. She's afraid of ghosts and rumors but she also like to badmouth people. People as in 'everyone', actually. She's always trying to be nice to me but she pay no attention to my feelings. Words is not enough to describe her. I always have this kind of..thinking that no matter how annoyed a person made you feel, there's always something nice about them. Even though her words are cold and bossy, that's just her way of helping people. So I pushed away all the uncaring words and kept all the good intentions that it carried. It didn't turn out the way I planned. Like I said, she like badmouthing people she don't even know. When I'm with her, she badmouth some girls. And I know when I'm not with her, she will badmouth me too. But I got used to it since 'the Grassland accident'. Then I realized she will not change, and she badmouth people for fun. So I stopped thinking good thoughts about people and focus on improving myself to show her (and peoples) what I'm capabled of. Along the way, I realized that I failed. No matter what I do, she will keep the same opinion about me. I don't know what that is...'failure', 'future beggars', 'spoiled child'...? Probably something she look down on.
I realized that because...one day, after she got a bad illness, she told me that the doctor advised her to not go into water. But her swim coach was strict, and he accused her of skipping lessons for fun (she skipped because she was ill). She was very passionate about swimming so she said she would go practice later that day. I told her to forget about the coach and to stay at home. My parent was a doctor so I'm worried that her illness will return, not to mention this is a very important time for us students. Plus, that coach was mean and unfeeling, thinking badly of her like that....So I told her to stay at home. Do you know what she said?
She said: "You said that because you are used to being an irresponsible person, I can't do that."
SERIOUSLY. WHAT.THE.HECK ?
SERIOUSLY. WHAT DID I EVER DO TO HER ?
I hate her now. I tried to see the good point, at least I tried. I succeed. I've come to love her as a friend. But look what I got in return. None. I tried to be a decent girl who always see the good thing in people (because people these days aren't interested in it) and LOOK WHAT I GOT. OH YEAH. IRRESPONSIBLE. WONDERFUL PORTRAYAL OF A FRIEND WHO ALWAYS LISTEN TO WHAT SHE SAID AND TRIED TO HEAR WHAT SHE DIDN'T SAY.
SO WHAT IF I DID DISAPPOINT SOMEONE? EVERYBODY MAKE MISTAKES! WHO TOLD HER IT DIDN'T HURT TO SEE THE PAIN ON MY PARENT'S FACE ? I ALWAYS TRY TO QUESTION MYSELF 'WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT'. I'M LOST. BUT IT'S NOT THE POINT. I'M TRYING TO SEE THE GOOD THINGS IN PEOPLE - NOT JUST ANY PEOPLES, MY FRIENDS- AND LOOK WHERE IT GOT ME. SHOULD I JUST TELL THEM THAT LIFE'S NOT FAIR ?
You (whoever you are) know what ? For years I've admired Batman because of the 'people deserve to have their faith rewarded' attitude. Maybe I should switch to Joker's 'people are only as good as the world allowed them to be' attitude. It's agonizing and I have my limit.

Back to the real world. I got homework. 1 week and I'll be waving 'bye-bye' to this school. Then Iris and Grassland....that depend but they'll get what's coming to them.

I've decided to try something different in life.
I think I can become a better person.
I don't want to let some silly fear stop me this time.

Maybe hotel managing's a good choice ?

Goodbye for now. Until the final exam.

The Internet here is dead for several days....boy, am I glad to be back!
Everything has gone back to where they were before. Most of it. There's choices to make and chances to take....so it's kind of wear me out.
So, being afraid of changes is a really bad thing ?
Talk about irony...the person who told me that is the same person who hated my new look. And when I say 'the person' I mean THE WHOLE CLASS (except some cute people in the back seats). It's not 'new look', it's a tiny haircut and new earrings since I can't wear makeup or jewelry at school.
Really, what did I ever do to them ? They've been going on and on and on about the cross-shaped earrings. Dubbed me 'Allah'. Really entertaining.
*sigh* That's what happen when you gave the wrong impression.
Nats-chan is into the ItachixHinata pairing these days....and Jing-chan is getting an interest in shounen-ai pairing. Welcome to the club XD
Speaking of which, new plot bunny. Again. To self: NEVER.Gonna.Happen.

I'm really scared now. Scared of that threatening letter I wrote myself.
It is like a real ghost is haunting the thing. I can't wait to get rid of it.
What's the point anyway ? Shouldn't just dump the thing to the garbage can, I'm not that kind of person. But I'm having second thoughts about giving it to her.
Oh what the heck, she won't become insane just from this, will she ? This city is different from Western cities where plenty of threatening letters come and go...this town is peaceful, too peaceful I fear by doing this I'm breaking something.
Oh I'm breaking something alright! My shell. This year, I'm not going to left anything unsaid.
Either way, I'm going to give it to her. Tell her not to open it until she get home. Don't want her to lose control and have an accident.

Random Quiz, took in order to calm myself down.



How's that for irony...I don't pretend, did I ?

Once again. It's her.
Okay, previously, I said that I did mean something for her...I take it back. How can I means anything to her if she never listened to a word I said ??? Because if she had listened, she will know that I'm not a type of person who can be 'not a best friend but still a friend'. Because I know nothing will ever be the same. I can hear her giggles while reading that message. I know she is doing this only to make her, probably her parents, feel better. Sorry but I make my own choices. My parents don't have anything to do with this. It was supposed to be between me and her. Now the whole school knew about our breakup. She want to make it big, don't she ?
What's the point ? I know my breaking up with her is really bizarre because she is the annoying one but I'm the one who suddenly exploded and said 'bye-bye'. It's like she is the torch and I'm the fire. The ironic thing is that I always think I have to put myself down 'cause that's the primary thing in a relationship. And so the reason for my putting up with her insults is because............
That's just it. My mind go blank when I come to this sentence.
I warned her to leave me alone. But she continue to show up with that giddy attitude. If only she listened and see me for who I am, she will know what I want to do to her at that time. That's it. I'm sick of those people. I will not push away my wishes for them. And my wishes is for her to suffer.
I know there might be consequences, but this is something I truly wanted : her suffering. The threats will come to her first thing tomorrow...Hope SHE get the message.

Look like these days this journal got nothing but rants....I will get my writing mood back. The love for writing and creating things that weren't there before's still there.
Love you,
Lady Lunaticeon ( just want to show off my new username ^^ at www.fusionfall.com - a MMORPG)

P.S: but please, call me Pu-chan or just Pu. That's still Imouto-chan for you, neechan *hugs*!

So here's the situation:
I stayed up late to write the chapter I promised Nats-chan I will complete. Then Mom came, Dad's drunk so she went to sleep with me. I put my fic aside, and think about it in bed. In the morning, I was so busy with things that when I finally have time to type the chapter, I forgot the most important ideas ! It was when the King talked about Eisen with Tomomasa.....something...it's so vague. Nats-chan isn't going to be happy.
Beside that, I managed to solve The Secret Of The Scarlet Hand all by myself, no hints. It's a intriguing game, with some fascinating elements (though most of them are not true) from Mayan history. I love game and books with a historical setting, explain my addiction to Harutoki and Narnia.
By the look of it, I will not be able to finish the 2 AMVs (about Narnia and Harutoki) in time of the vacation. When school open again, there'll be no time to do it. I always assure myself I can do it, but I have to choose. I can't let anything affect my result again, whether it's bad friends or unfinished business.
Okay, it isn't as serious as it sound. I still be updating my journal with fics. After all, my 360! page refused to help visitors when it keep showing them the old entries instead of the latest ones.
Ja ne!

Before the New Year started, I just wanna say :
WHAT A YEAR!
Really, it feel like my foot is on fire. So many thing I want to do and have to do.
I will stay up until the clock tick past number 12.
Recommended fictions for times like these :
Origami Parade Yasuaki/Eisen (I love this author! Check out Hush and Behind The Bushes)
misslola89's Challenge Response Peter/Edmund and Caspian/Edmund
The comedy show is surprisingly good this year. I can die by laughing too much, especially when the Celestial Emperor do beat box.
This singer's song calm my soul. Check it out when you can, it's good! It's a song about my country: 'Bonjour Vietnam' By the way, it's in French.

Get this widget | Track details | eSnips Social DNA

A new year start now. As Nats-chan said: "A new you but same old friends."
Happy Lunar New Year. Best wishes to everyone.
Five minutes....

Today is the cleaning day. I'm forbid to turn on the computer unless and until my room is cleaned. And here I am wondering if I should charge my Ipod today....
In the Lunar Calendar, tomorrow will be the New Year's Eve. There will be fireworks. Now where's my camera (inner voice: you'll find it AFTER you cleaned your room)
Really, it's not that messy compare to my brother's.
This year I finally get something 'girly', much to my parents's surprise. It's not much, several earrings, bracelets, a bottle of nail polish(it's black, which is why my brother yelled at me earlier). I think I'm fine without these but maybe they will smile more if their daughter finally listen to them. Parents want to see their kids know how to 'take care of themselves' included knowing how to use a lipstick, I guess ?

Good day, everyone ^^

P.S : Someone reviewed my AMV...er CMV. YEAH!

*notice her AMV has no comment* =.=
Oh well, can't force people to like what they don't.

One funny thing I noticed earlier when choosing the subject for the entry :
A friend of mine was singing the song 'They', when she get to the part 'I'm sorry, so sorry...', another friend who was nearby sang 'It's too late to apologize...' (it's 'Apologize' by One Republic) XD
Good night.

My Mom went to speak with Grassland's parents today. Gave them gifts and talk about the preparation for Lunar New Year's Eve. I will not presume anything, but Mom said Grassland cried when she talked about me. Maybe I did mean something to her.
But it's already too late. She did say she still can't understand why I broke up with her. Of course, it's not a matter of understanding, though it's no rocket science. My heart don't care if I'll never see her face again. And it's not her fault. Not anybody's fault but it's mine. Hope she's happy now.
Great, now my status is 'Anti-social' again....

Anyway, the member of my family can say something very stupid (not that i've never said anything stupid in my life)...
Dad: now I get it, you're not supposed to take a shower when you're drunk, right ?
Brother : I'm gonna get 3 new cell phone, one to store work-related numbers, one for friends and family's numbers, one for chicks's!
Mom : (nothing but she just said 'Is it okay with you?' about 15 times when we went to the mall)

Nats-chan told me about the movie Onmyouji. The actor is really beautiful. We watched it on Veoh. Unfortunately there is no sound since brother took the speakers to his room >.< The onmyouji is Abe no Seimei ^^ who is portrayed as very confident, brilliant and seem to know everything that will happen. He has a friend name Minamoto no ....something. He is a talented flutist (remind me of someone....^^) and is very clumsy, sometimes naive.
I was going to watch the movie but Mom said I should go out more =.= I'll go when it's necessary.

Here's the trailer :


Good night everyone!

Finally. Enjoy!




Now I need a little rest...

Phew. At last the Batman x Robin AMV - or CMV - is done. Have to admit the song is a bit cheesy. And the storyline - if there is one - is a little not as I expected. On the other side, the clips went rather well with the lyric. I tried to use different clips so the viewer don't get bored =.= Other BatxRob in Youtube always use clips in 'A Matter of Family', 'Strange New World'...and some Teen Titans ep (Masks - for example) I HATE THAT >.<
The CMV is being uploaded. The link will be available. Now I have to work on the Harutoki AMV. And see if I can create a fanvid for Narnia (Caspian x Ed? Peter x Ed?) with such few clips.

Later, friends.
And something for you, neechan ^^ I found it the other day.

Okay, so I'm working on the AMV 'Broken Heart - a Batman x Robin AMV' using 'You Must Have Had A Broken Heart' by Westlife and my computer is going to be a huge obstacle. It keep on stop working after I put a clip into a timeline or add some affects. And I have to open Task manager and close the programs, then restart, add some clips or add effects, it stops working, I close it...

The whole night I managed to get 1 minutes of clips placed (not sure if it's correct because I didn't turn on the music directly but I listen to the ipod when matching the clips with the music so....) and there's still 3 more minutes of the songs.

But it's going to mark my comeback to Youtube. Wait for it!

Good things the Harutoki clips is on the other computer (the one which is still working effectively) so creating the Yasusen AMv is going to be a bit easier. Chosen song: Memories by Within Temptation. Gothic rock 4ever!

Good night to you.

Picture of The Day:


Want to know why this come up ? Turn on screensaver with Pictures Slideshow set as Random in your Harutoki folder and there it go, bring back memories ^^

Speaking of which, what happened to the caption contest ???

Let two bishounen give you a happy lunar new year wish!

And beware Eisen's puppy dog eyes which is asking you "What's your new year's solution?"



Mine is :"Not going to left anything unsaid."
Including "daisuki, arigatou" to btamamura-neechan, my friends and others who had visited my journal ^^

I went to a barber shop because I want to get out of my 'Tomomasa' look, going to post a picture of me and my new haircut soon. Now I look like a kid >.< so unlucky.

Tired and frustrated. Trying and failing. Sleeping and dreaming. Lighten and darken. Hoping.

I'll do my best.

Disclaimer: the fanarts aren't mine.

"What is a friend ? A single soul dwelling in two body."

I know it's fictional to find a friend like that in my case so here's my definiton of a friend : "A friend is who we want to use teleportation to get to their place when one of them, included you, are lonely."

I don't know what's wrong with me and my communication skill anymore. I believe in the 'mirror theory': "If you smile at a mirror, it will smile back to you". That is my own way and I intend to live my life my way. But it's harder than I thought, like I said, they didn't see who I am, they didn't even want to.

And what has to be, will be. I broke up with my BFF - Grassland (I translated her name) when the New School Year started and I have known her since 6th grade. I was lonely and she kept me company. Then we became BFF. We do things together and learn from each other. Each is other's BFF. But I have absolutely no regret. Just a little pain. But through that pain, I know that she deserve this. She deserve to be punished by my breaking-up with her. I don't know what am I to her anymore. Senior year is hard for both of us so I want to make it easy for her and decided to mind my own things. Still it's so hard to hold on to her when she don't seem to has control over her anger. She is open in her feeling, I used to think it's a double-edged dagger and it really is.

While I struggled to keep my mouth shut in order to not saying something that threatened our friendship, she just keep on rambling about my advantages and her disadvantages, about my seat in the School's English Team. I know it's what stress do to her, she is a teacher's kid after all. But I'm not an angel. I feel pressure too. But I held it back, not saying anything for the sake of our friendship. It was one line in 'The Dark Knight' that kept me going : "The people of this city deserve to have their faith rewarded." But then I realized one thing. What does she think I am ? A object which she can ask favors of and use to relieve her stress and anger whenever she want without caring about my feelings ? Wake up, stupid girl, wake up. She isn't worth it, this friendship isn't worth your time, this isn't worth anyone's time. How long can you keep your real feeling in ? How long until you realize that she has wasted too much of your time ? She said herself that she got 'other plan' all the time isn't she ? Then let give her 'time'. Do yourself a favor and break up with her. You gave her your trust, you can take it back. This is your life and you have much better and more important thing to do.

So I broke up with her by leaving her a message. She didn't understand, she didn't want to----I just asked her to leave me alone. She sent another angry message, accused me of starting fights lately, being unreasonable and said she couldn't understand what she could possibly do wrong. Yeah, right. I was always the one who is at fault, she is always innocent, always can't remember what she did. (When we were still friends I always want to find time and talk this subject over with her - just because we are friends- but I never got the chance). From the message, I got the conclusion that she is a stupid girl. But now that I think about it, she forgot about the mean things she said to me but remember about the times when I got mad at her (usually lasted about one day). That maybe the proof of her selfishness, cruelty and coldness. Either way, I'm glad to have gotten rid of her.

But I still had to paid the price: the shock from this event led to the fall of my scores. I almost couldn't take part in the National Contest because it required my scores to be above 5.0 for all subject. Ans she is still the 'A+' student. Maybe this punishment is nothing to her. Maybe I mean nothing to her.

One thing is certain that she is jealous of my life, my family (she said it out loud). They don't control me much and they are rich. In fact, they are stingy like most rich people are, Well, at least they are richer than her family so she got a reason to be jealous. On the outside, father and mother adore me, showering me with PTDs (Public Dislay of Affection). So is her parents >.< but her father don't call her a 'whore', does he ? Does her father hit her mother's head like mine ? Don't think so. So what the heck is her problem ? Jealous ? Hey, you want to know the secrets of life ? It isn't fair. Most people just care about themselves. Nobody owns you anything. I own her nothing. So better stop rambling about something that can never be and be grateful for what I have right now.

I know but I fear that this might happen again. Especially now, when everyday, everybody's words remind me of that man's cruel words. That is the main reason I broke up my friendship with Grassland. She and that man and that boy have one thing in common. I don't think it is wise to keep thinking about this now.

One thing for sure, I will never make the same mistake with another friend. Especially the cute lady whose username start with a 'b' sitting in front of the screen right now. The world need more people who is ready to listen. Seriously.

*point to the icon* See it ? I'm in a very bad mood now so I will get straight to the point.

Today I have crossed out the name of two person in my harem. To them: lately, it's get so hard to hold on to you two. Against this harsh, cold world, this feelings don't stand a chance.
And to one of you, the person who is clueless to my feelings: I thought I could changed the world for you - heck, I even changed myself - but I was wrong. You're not the person who encouraged me to change. But believe me, I liked you for a whole different reason, but I think I deserve much more. I have to move on.

( Goodbye to you. )

My life is offiial messed up. I wasted times , efforts and money only to receive a question mark. I don't know my purpose in life, how can I get through my days, or what I want to be. I need time to sort out my feelings, but time is what I don't have.

But I don't want to lie to myself anymore and that want is too great it's tearing me apart.

My friends...they didn't see my true self when they looked at me. What they said about me when they thought I'm not listening and what they tell me to do, what they say about the thing I read, the thing I wear and the thing I do... it's like they are talking about a whole different girl, they don't know me, they don't care about my true self! And here I am thinking if I treat them right, they would do the same for me! I assure myself that sometime the world can see you in a way that's different from who you are and that I don't care, just act like I never heard them say those...things. But what was I supposed to do ? Pretend that I'm deaf, smile like an idiot each time they say something which is clearly insulting ???
Seriously, it's times like these I feel so grateful to have met people like my cousin (Two Phoenix) and btamamura-neechan. Thank-you to you two.

Consider this token of my gratitude for enduring my bad personality for a year.
Warning to all: very bad grammar.
Comment, plz. *puppy dog eyes*

Title: Crush.
Category: Harukanaru toki no naka de.
Genre: Humour/Romance/Fluff
Rated: T.
Status: One-shot/Completed.
Note: Alternate Universe – similar to “Sign”’s.
Summary: Crossover with Meine Liebe and Pirate of the Carribean – no I’m not s-i-c-k thanks for asking. Nothing too serious. It is a crush.

( It’s a magical compass. )

Title: Feeling Shows. (strongly suggest listen to the song while reading this)
Category: Meine Liebe.
Genre: Romance.
Rated: uh…T ?
Status: One-shot/Completed.
Summary: A moment in Camus and Ludwig’s bed.

( He thought Ludwig was asleep. )

Title: Bittersweet.
Category: DC Universe.
Genre: Romance/Angst
Rated: T
Status: Completed.
Note: Slash! If you don’t like seeing your childhood hero in a relationship with a person of the same gender, you might want to keep out.
Summary: When Cyborg is acting strange, Robin return to Wayne Manor, to Bruce’s waiting arm…Merry Christmas.

( Sometimes he wondered. )


Title: A Night to Remember.
Category: Crossover between Pokemon, seiyuu, Naruto, Legion of Super Heroes, Getbackers.
Genre: Humour/Romance?
Status: Completed.
Rated: E for everyone.
Warning: OOC. Alternate Universe.
Summary: “And the special award for Best Bishounen goes to…” Dedicated only to my BFF Jing - keep moving forward!

( Clicky clicky clicky )

Only 3 subject to study ^^ Wish me luck! And for my beloved friends, especially btamamura-neechan, Natsume-chan and sailorlight-san, Happy Holiday!!

*go back to study Chemistry*